Do workaholics make good husbands?

Workaholic husbands often find to their dismay that they end up without a family. Almost 50% of divorces are initiated by women whose husbands are too busy at work and cannot find time for the wife and children. Wives are becoming more assertive in expressing their needs and expectations. Husbands cannot simply be providers. Many women have become financially independent and therefore less dependent on their husbands to bring home the bacon. What women today are looking for are partners who treat them as equals, share household responsibilities, help raise and discipline children, and work toward emotional intimacy in marriage.

Some reasons why men become addicted to work:

• Traditional upbringing: From childhood, men are raised in the belief that they are mere providers and protectors. They must be hardworking, logical, courageous and assertive. Girls learn to be obedient, submissive, efficient in housework and in raising and caring for children. They must also meet the needs of men.

• Excess ambition: Some men are obsessed with their work. Your sense of self-worth comes from your reputation at work, excellence in your profession, financial integrity, and recognition from your colleagues and society at large.

• The economic independence of the wife: Men do not mind successful wives as long as they are less successful than they are. But if a wife is better placed in her job, her husband may unconsciously resent her. The competition takes over. Her ego drives him to work overtime until he’s on par with or surpasses her.

• A boring marriage: The man would rather spend more time at work than go home with a nagging and complaining wife.

• An exhausted wife: Children and household chores have drained all your energy. She walks around like a zombie, doing the tasks she has to finish and then collapses on the bed from exhaustion. The husband feels abandoned and prefers to stay longer at work or socialize with friends.

• Infidelity: The man may have fallen out of love with his wife. He uses the job as a cover for his flirtations.

• Extended family: In-laws living at home can interfere and create tension between husband and wife. The man stays away as long as he can, to avoid friction.

• A spendthrift wife who is happy spending her husband’s money and doesn’t care if her husband is home or not as long as he gives her money to spend.

Causes of disconnection:

No “together” time:

– A man who spends long hours at work and comes home late, is too tired or irritable to talk to his wife or listen to her problems. He hastily eats dinner, then spends a few minutes watching the news on TV and falls exhausted on the bed.

– A man in love with his work is usually a megalomaniac. He can be socially, economically or politically successful and expect his wife to be his servant. Marrying a man like that can be hell. Many real life examples come to mind.

Leo Tolstoy, a famous novelist and staunch Christian, took pity on his servants and set them free, but treated his wife and family miserably. After his death, Sonya wrote: “There was little genuine warmth in him… No one will ever know that he never gave his wife rest, and never in all these thirty-two years, gave his son a drink of water or spent five minutes by his bed, to give me a chance to rest a bit from all my work.”

Albert Einstein, the Nobel Prize-winning physicist, was a tyrant who expected full compliance from his wife. “You’ll stop talking to me if I ask you to.” “You will not expect any intimacy.”

Jane Walsh Carlyle, writer, was married to Thomas Carlyle, author and essayist. She had to put her own career on hold to provide him with a quiet home environment and carefully shield him from noise and unwanted visitors. She sacrificed her own talent to further the ambition of this “man of genius”. She treated her like a domestic servant and was indifferent to her needs.

– Famous men such as artists, musicians or movie stars who are away from home for long periods of time are often neglectful of their wives. Being surrounded by fawning admirers, they are prone to multiple relationships.

Effect on wives:

1. Loneliness: Women do not find a meaningful relationship within the home nor do they have time to cultivate friendships outside. They are isolated in a cocoon of solitude. Self-esteem plummets. They feel insecure, go into depression, and in some cases even commit suicide.

2. Professional women have to face the dual responsibilities of managing the home and performing well at their jobs. When they don’t get support from their husbands, they may look elsewhere for sympathy. Extramarital affairs have been known to occur. Divorce is the easy way out.

3. Professional women are often under a lot of stress, especially when they don’t have the support or encouragement of their spouses. Stress-related illnesses such as hypertension, heart disease, depression or psychosomatic illnesses can occur.

4. Such a woman may be too strict with her children or too lenient. Crime, drug or alcohol addiction, dropping out of school, and rampant social media may follow.

How to turn a workaholic into a loving husband:

• Good communication: A workaholic may not be aware of his wife’s latent discontent. He may seem happy doing her chores while she harbors resentment against the man who treats her like a robot, expecting her to keep her house in order and warm her bed at night. The woman must take the initiative to inform him of her needs and expectations, but she must also learn the art of communication. No scolding, pleading or scolding. She doesn’t rush him with a list of complaints as soon as she walks in the door after a hard day’s work. She should communicate her needs lovingly to him when he is in a receptive frame of mind, and preferably when they are alone.

Being confrontational could backfire. Marriage must be lived daily. It requires the responsible participation of both partners. Each must contribute time and love to keep it working. Household responsibilities are not demeaning. They are opportunities for loving service. While browsing in a bookstore, a book title caught my eye. He said, “I take out the trash because I love you.” The value of interdependence in daily tasks, in caring for each other, and in disciplining children cannot be emphasized enough. Decisions on important issues must be a joint effort.

“Give your partner the best you have and God will give you the best marriage you could ever want,” says JA Petersen.

• Achieve a healthy balance between work and home: one must learn to prioritize. Professional activity may have to be pruned in deference to a happy marriage. This also applies to working women. Successful women should not give their husbands an inferiority complex. An atmosphere of openness and determination to resolve conflicts will help resolve problems.

• Valuation of the couple: Men need to show their affection through words and deeds. A middle-aged man with three children said that he struggled to find something new every day to congratulate his wife. I’m sure his wife appreciated his kindness and she loved him even more.

• The gift of time: A man spending time with his wife confirms that she is valuable to him. Some men stay in the office to escape household chores or meet the demands of children or avoid spending time with their wives.

Some work overtime to earn more money for a lavish lifestyle and a relaxed retirement. But in the process, they may lose the love of their wives and families and may not live long enough to enjoy a peaceful retirement. Family time is not worth buying your way out of.

• If work is just an excuse to get away from a boring marriage, then it’s time to dig deeper and discover the cause of the problem. What makes the wife happy or unhappy, excited or bored? The man must be proactive in his approach. He should express a genuine interest in her likes and dislikes and show her that he cares. He must focus on what is best for both of you as a couple. Going out with her on a date or vacation and finding ways of recreational companionship would make marriage more exciting.

• Is physical intimacy lacking? There should be open discussions about it. Are the reasons physical, psychological or emotional? Sex is an integral and inseparable part of married life. Michael Warner says, “Couples should schedule time for physical intimacy.” One family therapist advised: “Teach your children to respect the closed door.” If your problems cannot be resolved through discussion and negotiation, you should seek outside help from doctors, counselors, or psychotherapists. If your love life is stagnant, it will create a permanent barrier to your relationships.

Workaholics need to remember that too much work and too many hours away from home will kill intimacy. Therefore, priorities must be organized and abandon non-essential jobs in favor of home and family. The word “too busy” is unacceptable for the modern woman. Many marriages fail because successful men turn out to be ‘renegade husbands’. Women need husbands who validate their lives as equal partners and make them feel valued, loved, and wanted.