Are you smart enough and man enough to wear Ugg brand boots?

In the late 70’s I saw my first pair of UGG boots on a surf trip to Mexico with some friends of mine. Five of us had barely finished high school when we headed to a surf spot called Quattro Casas, which is a couple of hours south of Ensenada. The rough and bumpy road made the ride down sweaty, but we eventually hit the surf break that sported a fast wave breaking off to the right at one point. We sailed on and off until nightfall when everyone finally got out of the water.

At this point we took off our wetsuits and started to get comfortable and that’s when I noticed the ugliest shoe I’d seen since the disco-influenced platform boot. My friend Robert was sporting these… things on his feet. “What the hell are those supposed to be?” I exclaimed. The other boys who were now listening to my anguish turned and began to laugh once they got their eyes on the Australian sheepskin boots. “They’re called Ugg Boots and I got them at Hanifin’s Surf Shop in Newport,” Robert said as he proudly showed off the stupid booties. “They’re made of 100% sheepskin. A lot of the surfers in Australia wear them,” he said, taking one off and showing us the fluffy inside. Our quick immaturity to judge got the best of us as we all fell around the room in laughter. Right away, as was typical for the time period, we start Robert with verbal attacks and homosexual innuendos. “Those are some pretty ugly looking boots you have, Robert,” Chuck commented with a smirk. “Dude, is there anything else you’re going to tell us? Are you going out? Oh, I really wasn’t prepared for this. Should I have brought flowers, maybe a card or something?” Phil said with a slightly serious tone of concern in his homophobic voice. “Does that mean you won’t be drinking beer with us anymore? You know, we shop a lot. I’m not going back to town to get you Chardonnay, my fruity friend.” We thought we were all too funny when we busted Robert’s chops and laughed at the ugly ugg boots that, for all we knew, Robert might have made himself.

After a ten-minute verbal beating of Robert with him valiantly defending his sexuality, his surfing ability, and his Australian ugg boots, we finally settled down. Robert continued to boldly wear his boots for the rest of the trip and didn’t let us bother him. In fact I think he ended up surfing better than the rest of us on that trip. Perhaps our attack on him and his silly boots made him emotionally stronger? Or maybe he just drank less beer? Or maybe his feet weren’t bitten as badly as some of us?

See, Robert had the last laugh because at the end of the trip, we all wish we had some classic ugg boots. The rest of us wore sandals, which did not protect or warm our feet at night. We slept on the cliff above the surf break and my feet, like the other guys, were cold at night. It made sleeping difficult. Robert wore his boots all night and slept very comfortably. He made sure we knew this because he rubbed it in our faces every morning. But that was only half. Robert wasn’t attacked on the feet and ankles by angry velvet ants or bloodthirsty assassin beetles. The damage from these bugs was so bad that one side of my foot looked like flesh-colored bubble wrap from so many bites and stings on it. It really hurts too. Yes, at the end of the journey, I think we all would have preferred to suffer the humiliation of wearing ugly boots rather than deal with the pain and suffering we go through.

It’s funny how function trumps looks when it comes to comfort. Now, twenty-something years later, I own a pair of ugg brand boots and I think ugly stuff is one of the best purchases I’ve ever made. I wish I had been smart enough and man enough to buy them sooner.