Make Marriage a Blessing or a Bane
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” -Mignon McLaughlin
After I married Vinay, I started noticing married people around me and many questions started coming up in my mind. One thing I noticed was that a lot of people were married to the wrong partner, so they weren’t happy and fulfilled; I also noticed that even after 20-30 or more years of marriage, people did not understand each other and felt claustrophobic in the marriage. I was wondering why? Then, after I came into a close relationship with God and saw how God had blessed my marriage, I realized that God has a chosen partner for each of us. Therefore, each of us has a soul mate with whom we are supposed to not only spend and live our life, but also fulfill the purpose for which we are here. But sadly, most people are at a wedding they shouldn’t be at, that’s why there is no understanding and people are just struggling through their marriage.
Many people spend more time planning the wedding than planning the marriage – Zig Ziglar
COMMON CHOICES PEOPLE MAKE
Usually by the time a girl or boy is of marriageable age, which I’ve usually noticed, families or the bride-to-be or groom-to-be see a typical set of dots that, when marked, the alliance manifests, especially in the kind of society I live in. in. Other companies may have different criteria. But what people usually base their marriage on is: what is the groom or the bride like? Are they beautiful or handsome, how much do they earn? What is the family like, if it is the girl they are looking for then the girl will be compatible with the groom’s parents? Usually, this is more of a concern for the parents of the child, rather than seeking compatibility with the child. What kind of economic background does the boy or girl come from? And the funniest thing is that professionally if the boy is an engineer, he will look for a girl who is an architect; If a boy or a girl is a doctor, they usually look for someone from the same profession. But honestly, is this marriage? We look for compatibility in the professions, not in our personal lives. When you start living together and situations knock on your door, it is not your profession but the understanding between the two of you that will help you deal with the situations. So don’t settle for good enough when God has something unique for you.
Recently one of the partners of our Foundation called me; they have been looking for a partner for their son who has given them the responsibility of finding him a life partner. The parents recently visited us and saw the kind of understanding Vinay and I had, so they wanted my input on what to look for for their son’s life partner. What I told you is what I wanted to share with all those who are reading this article. When I first got married, I was married at nineteen and a half and was barely trying to figure out what life was all about. It was an arranged marriage, my parents wanted to get rid of me and I too was looking for an escape from my parents who had made my childhood a misery. So I thought maybe through this I would have my own family, my own home where I won’t be judged and criticized all the time. Look, there was a reason that I had. What happened? The marriage was a disaster.
SEE YOUR REASONS
The basic problem of most marriages is the motive: getting married because the boy or girl is beautiful; get married to escape the current situation; getting married because the boy or girl is economically well off; getting married because I might be getting too old; getting married because you finished your studies and you don’t want to practice a profession, then it is best to get married; get married because the boy’s life will stabilize since he is not earning; marry so that the two business families earn a lot from the alliance; getting married because now I’m pregnant, I made a mistake and now I want to legalize it; get married because I feel lonely; and many more similar reasons.
WHAT DOES COMPATIBILITY MEAN?
But they are wrong, dead wrong and that is one of the reasons why marriages fail or even after being married for 20 or 30 years seems to be the wrong choice. Marriage is a knot that must be treasured for life. Every time you look at your spouse, you thank God for the partner he has given you instead of cursing your spouse or yourself, your parents, or your destiny. Marriage has to make two people grow and complement each other in life. I don’t know what people usually understand by compatibility, but what I told our Foundation partner is what I want to share with you.
God has placed special gifts or traits in each of us that are unique to us. Compatibility arises when we complement each other with those unique gifts, instead of expecting each other to be like our mom, dad, sister, or brother. God has made each of us unique, therefore husband and wife need to complement each other, and when they do, they complete each other. While sadly there are couples who, instead of complementing each other, are competing with each other. When the couple is at war, no one can save the house.
MY STORY
Before I married Vinay, he had a pact with God. He had asked God to send the person in his life who would do God’s work and any girl who came and proposed to him, he would say yes believing that she was God’s choice for him. Here, after all the bitter experiences of my life, I wanted a person who would love me, understand me and respect me. And behold! There came a situation in my life where I was forced to propose to Vinay, although it felt strange at first, but then my friend encouraged me to say that she had nothing to lose. No one in the world knew of this pact between Vinay and God. When I proposed to her, she didn’t see my background, she didn’t judge me for being a divorcee and mother of two, she just saw it as God’s choice and agreed. And honestly to God for over eleven years, it’s never been in our life when we haven’t thanked God for bringing us together for the kind of understanding and love that we shared.
God has reserved a person for each one of us, but our mind does not want to accept it and questions. We don’t want to trust God enough to believe in his choice, and as a result, we pay our entire lives for the choices we make. The key to this is what God commands, He pays for it and when you command, you pay for it. Let it be God who decides what is best for your life. He knows who he has in store for you. Recently someone from my family was visiting us and had a question for Vinay and me. She wanted to know how we had a perfect understanding. My response to her was to keep God first in our lives and let Him decide who is best for you. For those who are already married there is still hope, whoever you are married to, give the marriage to God and “marry” God, that is, develop your relationship with God because God is the Master in fixing things. When you marry God by being married to the person of your choice, God will help you straighten out all those things that need to be straightened out in your marriage. Turn your burden over to Him, trust Him with your life and your marriage. Vinay sometimes tells me that she scares him when she thinks about the time she had proposed and if instead of obeying God she had let her mind dissuade him.
CONCLUSION
I want to encourage all the beautiful people who want to get married: straighten your motives. You are not here to fulfill your purpose or that of your parents. You are here to fulfill God’s purpose, to mentor Him and whatever decision you make, especially when selecting a life partner, put Him first. He has a purpose for your life through this marriage. God’s word says that peace be the arbiter of your decisions… If you are at peace to do something, go ahead and see it as God’s will or keep waiting on Him.