The Real Man’s Guide to a Real Man’s Gear
I recently read an article titled “A Girl’s Guide to Her Man’s Gear,” which led me to consider how unlikely it is that we’ll ever see the title of this article sent out in millions of emails across the Internet and headlined in the media around the world. finished… or will we?
Things have changed substantially in this crazy world we live in, and discussion of sex (taboo a generation ago, for the most part) is now rampant. We see, on television, on the Internet, in newspapers, magazines and, of course, in our bookstores, volumes on how to please him/her, for him/her. There’s The Joy of Sex, The Joy of Gay Sex, Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex (the last of which turned out to be of such little use almost immediately that it’s now ridiculous).
So this article I’m referring to, which came attached to an email, tells the reader (any straight woman) that she knows where to go for information on how her own team works (go to girlfriends, Cosmo, or the OB-GYN ), but what to do with the knowledge about your man’s “little thing” down there? Well, they’re happy to report that they have all the answers.
Guess what? So do we, and here they are, but not for the women of the group, but for all those men who really want to have a better working knowledge of other men’s genitalia, so that they can be prepared and equipped with the knowledge when called upon. After all, more and more men are coming out these days: to themselves, to their co-workers, to their spouses, to their children, to their clergy, to the world in general, and did I already say this? – for themselves! It seems like we’ve suddenly discovered not only the joy of male-male relationships, but that it’s perfectly normal and won’t cause us to break out or go sissy.
Well, the first precept of the article refers to the size of the penis. Well, we know there are a lot of size queens among us, but for the most part, we’re all happy with the average penis, and that’s 5-6 inches, when erect. Bigger men may appear smaller due to their girth, but of course, we all know that it’s not what you have that counts, but how you use what you have. Back to the article: we learn that a woman’s vagina will adjust to the size of the penis. How does this work with us guys? Well, we have also learned that the anus will also adjust to the size of the penis. It seems like the size of your partner’s penis isn’t that important (sexually), even though we all seem to want a big one. Remember also, that orally, we don’t want something we can’t handle.
Number two on the hit list for the ladies was a discussion about penis enlargement. Essentially, the claims in the ads we’ve all seen are false: they don’t work. Can you exercise your muscle to increase its girth and length? Not really. Can you have surgery to increase your length? Will it hurt? That’s my next question, and if the answer is yes, then guess: no cutting please! If you are really desperate and your man is really one of those size queens then you can always use a penis pump or cock ring. These are temporary solutions.
What is third, now? Surprise surprise, they are telling the ladies that men wake up in the morning with an erect penis. Wow, not much for us, is there? We all know how it is…it used to be embarrassing for those of us who, in our younger years, wouldn’t have been caught dead with a boner in the presence of another man. Waking up on a camping trip at the age of 13 with a raging boner and having the guy in the next bunk wondering if you were a fag… what a shock! For most of us, we didn’t know at that stage of our lives how wonderful it was to be in the presence of an erect penis in the morning. Now, we crave it, and of course, when it doesn’t show up, we sulk.
Ah, here’s a word of warning to the girls: if you bend your partner’s penis, it can break. It’s not a joke… we all know the unctuous pain that we derive from an improper position “down there”. Remember guys, don’t try any gymnastic exercises on your man’s penis, that engorgement you’re seeing is blood pooling in the internal tissues, and we don’t want to see any of you walking into the ER with clumsy, embarrassed steps. . looks on their faces, and (for the closet) that deer-in-headlights look that says, “oh no, what excuse can I come up with?”
The next tip for ladies refers to the old saying about blue balls. We have all experienced the sensation we feel in our tests when we do not ejaculate. It’s painful and uncomfortable, and we don’t fully understand it. However, frankly, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced any problems ejaculating in another man’s arms. I have to admit that I have been involved in heterosexual relationships (I’ve even been married), and there have been times when I couldn’t ejaculate when I was with a woman. I guess by now I realize it’s probably more to do with my homosexuality than any performance issue in general. The natural me is fine, but when I engage in heterosexual behavior, it’s not that easy. Oh, by the way, the advice the ladies were left with was that a lack of ejaculation was not going to mean that their men’s tests were going to explode. Oh my! Let’s hope not.
Moving on, the next topic of discussion was no erection at all. Of course, there can be many reasons for this: as we have learned in the recent past, many men suffer from ED (erectile dysfunction). Hey, even Bob Dole went on strike over the curing product. And while they were clearly made for the straight audience, weren’t we amused by those commercials where Bob (not Dole) was grinning from ear to ear at the success he was having with his new drug? But seriously, we also know these days that penis problems are often a harbinger of other health problems, so if your guy isn’t as tough as he used to be, saddle him up (oops…sorry) and go to the doctor’s office for a checkup before it’s too late.
Then there is premature ejaculation. You know… you’re having fun in bed with your man, taking your time to get maximum pleasure, when Wham! here it comes! Well, there are solutions for this. Ladies are told to slow down and take it easy. Isn’t that what making love is all about anyway? Slow and soft caresses, many kisses (here, there and everywhere), the occasional breath. Maybe they can take turns if they’re giving each other fellatio; there’s no need for sixty-nine all the time after all. Our email tips tell us (again, for the ladies) that a start-stop method could be useful. Another option: do it quickly and do another round later. I don’t know if this suggestion is as significant for two homosexuals as it might be for a male/female couple. Hey, they even talk about antidepressants as a treatment for premature ejaculation. I think we’re going a bit too far here.
Last but not least women’s advice: the boner that goes on and on, how to deal with it? This is commonly known as priapism and if left untreated it can lead to dire results. Keep in mind that the insecure guy you recently met may feel the need to double up on him, and that can lead to a prolonged (and dangerous) erection. I love what they told women in case this constantly erect state continued: “swallow your shame and go to the ER.” Well, we all know that women rarely swallow anyway, right?
But seriously, there’s a lot to know about our penises and our partner’s penis. We have many more sources of knowledge than ever before – just do a search on the internet and be amazed at what you find. I have to admit that I have been a longtime fan of a site called the(dash)penis, a site I discovered many years ago when I began to question my own sexuality; face being gay after all those years of denial. The site has a wealth of information: an entire page (!) on the site is dedicated to gay and bisexual men and boys. Seriously though, there’s a lot of good information in there and I suggest you take a look.
Another site that is interesting, entertaining and informative is from Australia at http://www.six.com.au. It’s about male bodies and how we can best enjoy each other. It is promoted as entertainment for mature humans. Here you will find a gallery of handsome guys, interesting articles on various techniques, all to help you enjoy your man even more.
It is very entertaining to watch the tip sheets given to women to help them learn how to please their men. Maybe every wife should hire a gay man to teach her. It is clear that enjoyment is the key. If a woman can’t enjoy pleasing her man, she might as well give it to her gay brothers, because we all have the necessary knowledge and desire.