Three Critical Truths That Can Help You Cope With Your Loss
How do people facing the often unexpected death of a loved one find the strength to overcome their difficult losses? What is the turning point in your complaint work where you start to see a light at the end of the tunnel? There are many factors that converge to bring acceptance of death, which is the starting point of healing.
Among the most important is an inner life that develops a new consciousness. It is strengthened in the hard confrontation with death and persists in the ups and downs of mourning. Often new perceptions, actually new beliefs, are formed based on your experience. Here are three truths that many have finally accepted, consciously or unconsciously, that have eased the pain of their journey.
1. Change must be faced and accepted. The key word is acceptance. Everything is subject to universal change; there are no exceptions, there is no going back. For the bereaved, it means adjusting to the big changes in life when a loved one dies. The difficult thing is to create new habits and routines due to the absence of the loved one, knowing that things will never be the same again. Time often seems to stand still while the pain lingers. However, being patient and going slow with yourself is critical. Doing a little at a time is good advice. Remember, there is no way you can ignore accepting the change. Resistance, being an unwitting participant, will have a huge impact on the mind and body.
This truth doesn’t mean you have to stifle your anger, rage over a sense of injustice, or question the why of everything. It is normal and important to do so. But at some point you have to finally move on. The surest way to deepen your suffering is to hold on to it without periodic deviations.
It is also a normal experience that a major change brings fear to the future. The expected and predictable with the loved one present has to be replaced by new goals and responsibilities, a new and different life. Dealing with these changes is an important part of the complaint job.
2. Although we have to face constant changes throughout life, we do not always receive the support we expect to adapt to them. It is not uncommon for our support systems to be less than we expected them to be. And relationships with others are frequently disrupted. That fact is to be expected. You may no longer be invited to certain social gatherings after the death of your loved one. Some friends may not call or visit you as often as they did in the past.
However, communication with others is an important source of strength and reassurance (a great motivating force) that is so desperately needed during grief. Anne Morrow Lindbergh, who suffered the kidnapping and death of her son, Charles, Jr., said: “I realize that my own recovery was driven in large measure by the love, understanding and support of those who surrounded”.
Cultivating an ongoing support system is a wise undertaking for both the dying and their caregivers. We all desperately need strong interpersonal relationships; They bring strength to move forward, self-esteem and the sense of being loved. You may need to work to establish new friendships, reset some from the past, or strengthen existing ones.
3. For every thought and emotion we generate, there is a corresponding physical response within the cells of the body. This has been shown time and time again through the phenomenon of anniversary sickness, the placebo effect, the power of suggestion, and the fact that most heart attacks happen on Monday mornings (the stress and thoughts return to work). Athletes know very well the power of thoughts. When anything but positive expectations creeps into performance thinking, the way they perform a specific skill suffers.
This incontrovertible fact also has a great influence on mourning. As? Because the more we allow negative thinking to dominate our inner life, the more we pay the physical price of lost energy and immune system malfunction. The emotional toll of grief has extremely potent effects on health. Depression, refusal to forgive, and the stress of grief, along with the isolation that often accompanies all three, add greatly to the illnesses of various kinds associated with prolonged grief.
On the other hand, hope, love, renewed purpose and determination can have a very positive effect on all systems of the body. Thoughts activate internal repair and self-healing. The mind and what we think about not only affects the body, but the opposite is also true. Our physical condition affects brain function. The will to cope well and get through the dark night is another powerful asset.
In summary, ultimately, the adjustment to the loss of a love begins and ends with the individual. It’s about taking charge of his inner life and realizing that what he does and thinks are powerful predictors of needless suffering or finding peace of mind. It is clear: thoughts affect biology and therefore stress levels.
There is no magical way out or avoid the wrong, except through the decisions we make. We all have an inner advisor, an inner guide, if we appeal to it. No friend or relative can cope with the task for us. Mourners come to this conclusion after much pain and suffering. They realize that unless they change, the dark night will go on and on. Emerson put it this way: “Nothing can bring you peace except yourself.” This, of course, is easy to say but hard to do.